either way he was missing a nipple.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
