This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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