finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I am mentally ready for anal.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
