Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
