Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
