So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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