Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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