Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Damn victory sex feels great
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
