The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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