but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize