I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
