Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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