I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
