The maid of honor just puked.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
