My room smells like vodka and shame
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
