After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
