my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
