I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
