I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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