If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
