I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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