Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
