i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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