I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
