Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
