I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
