That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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