I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
