Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
