Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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