..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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