I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
