I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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