we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize