Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
