that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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