shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
