I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
