Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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