He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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