oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
