yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
