I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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