im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
