I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
