i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize