exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
