Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You pole danced in your parka.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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