I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
