i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
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