Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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