I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
