My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
