new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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