I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
