Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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