if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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