she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
