Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
