Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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