i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
a search helicopter?!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
