can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
