I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize