whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
