she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
