i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
