The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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