It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
