I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
