His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
