Already got asked if we're dating
Can i not drive my cunt home
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
