I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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