i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
