party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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