one two three fourrrrnication!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
