I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize