My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
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