Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
