Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My pussy is not your playground.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
false alarm, still single
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
